


A Generous Cut

by muselives



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-17
Updated: 2008-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22293064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muselives/pseuds/muselives
Summary: Edmund and Reepicheep ally against dangerous forces but even their best plans couldn't prepare them for this.
Relationships: Caspian/Susan Pevensie
Kudos: 15





	A Generous Cut

**Author's Note:**

> [2020-01-17 author's note] Reposted from LJ, for Kitoky. Unedited.
> 
> [original 2008-08-17 author's note] susancaspian Challenge #11 (Intentions), quote from Robert Burns (cut text "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men / Gang aft agley"). I was browsing quotes and when this one came up I realized I just wanted to write something fun. Eddie Izzard does a bit of stand up on this quote; he's the voice of Reepicheep so I had to share. Unbetaed. AU of movieverse. Leapisqueak is the creation of [maakie_fluffy](http://community.livejournal.com/susancaspian/62957.html).

"Tell me again, Reep," Edmund asked dryly as he took his final step backwards into the cool stone wall, "Why did I agree to this?"

His somewhat smaller companion, never one to quake in the face of any opponent, had a tremble to his whiskers that did not put the Just King at any form of ease. "I seem to remember promising you a generous cut, Sire," the Noble Mouse answered almost under his breath.

"Your Majesty!" the Cook squeaked furiously, waving her rolling pin at Reepicheep. Edmund was almost embarrassed on the Noble Mouse's behalf by his visible flinch; it seemed that even Narnia's finest had bowed to the iron will of Leapisqueak.

"Leapisqueak, with all due respect," Edmund gave a wary glance at the unlikely weapon that had left him with more than a handful of bruises, "I haven't had a piece of cheese in ages."

The fair Mouse gave a delicate sniff. She had stopped attacking him once she had recognized him but she had landed several more solid blows on Reepicheep as the pair of would-be robbers had allowed the Cook to back them into a corner. The dangerous waver of her rolling pin suggested that she was prepared to strike again--perhaps either of them--if they attempted to escape her now. "I've tried, your majesty, I have more than tried to ration out the cheese so that even the greedy," here she leveled a glare at Reepicheep, "Could have their part. I simply did not expect... well... her Majesty seems very fond of it!"

"And you're favoring her!" Edmund blurted out, exasperated. "Leapisqueak, it's one thing to indulge Susan but it's another entirely to give her every last piece of cheese in the castle."

The rolling pin pointed at him with the threat of a freshly sharpened sword. Once, Edmund had laughed at Caspian's tale of the beating Reepicheep had received upon eating Su's dessert--now he knew that no Mouse was to be underestimated in close quarters. "Her Majesty has had little sleep! She comes into my kitchen at all hours with dark circles under her eyes!"

"Let her send Caspian to fetch her things!" Edmund huffed. "You would think that having the man wrapped around her pinky finger would mean she could send him to get her snacks!"

"If you weren't all treating her as if she couldn't walk, perhaps she would feel she had to prove to herself she could still move about like an able person!" the Cook retorted mightly.

"This was not part of the plan," Reepicheep lamented quietly, making no move to flee though Leapisqueak's full attention was momentarily on the young King staring down defiantly at her.

Just as Edmund's eyes flickered to a nearby frying pan (a shield? a weapon?) the door darkened with two familiar figures.

King Caspian, his arm securely wrapped around his wife's waist, sized up the situation in a few flickering glances. "Gentle Leapisqueak," Edmund nearly snarled at the laughter hidden in the Telmaraine's words, "Have you caught yourselves some thieves?"

"Believe me, Sire, there was nothing left to steal," Reep muttered. Beaten and humiliated, it seemed the Noble Mouse had settled on being sullen, something that made Edmund feel a bit more like a child caught sneaking sweets rather than a grown man who'd intended to come and have access to his stores like the King he properly was.

Susan's normally picturesque features darkened considerably as she stared at her brother. "Ed," she said frostily.

"Su," he answered, meeting her gaze despite a stab of guilt at the dark circles that did suggest the poor sleep she'd been having the last few months.

"They came to steal Her Majesty's cheese!" Leapisqueak reported, shaking her rolling pin at both her captives.

"Oh, for Aslan's sake, it's everyone's bloody cheese!" Edmund finally snapped. "You just favor Susan because she looks like a beached whale!"

"I suppose you think it's a walk in the park being pregnant!" his sister snapped right back.

Edmund actually admitted to some relief when Caspian did not allow his wife to lunge at him. Susan had been unbearably foul this past month. Love her as he did, he hoped that either it was like this for all first pregnancies or that she and Caspian were not looking to enlarge their family for at least a few more years.

He could tell from the way Caspian's mouth twitched that the Telmaraine King was not unsympathetic just as easily as he could guess the man was not sparing him the Gentle Queen's wrath out of any sense of greater loyalty to his fellow King. "You could have just told us," Caspian offered all too sensibly.

"I told Su! She got all," here Edmund finally faltered, having the decency to drop his eyes to the floor as he mumbled, "Sniffly."

"So you decided on some sort of daring raid?" his sister asked, a decided warble in her voice and the glassiness of her eyes suggesting that yet again she was on the verge of being 'sniffly.'

Caspian truly looked pained. Edmund couldn't be sure if the supremely composed young man was about to burst with laughter at this latest Pevensie squabble or if he was hurting on his wife's behalf. Surprisingly, Caspian had become quite the peacemaker between his moody wife and her siblings as she took her orders of bed rest worse everyday. He grudgingly admitted to himself that it must look pretty stupid, him and Reep trying to raid the cupboards for cheese. He could truly blame either of them if they burst into laughter at any second.

But Susan seemed much more on the edge of tears. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Edmund skirted Leapisqueak and made his way over to Susan. "I just want a proper omelet, Su," he mumbled as he gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder.

"You're not the one who--who--who looks like a _beached whale!_ " With this declaration, Susan began sobbing into her husband's shoulder. Caspian, to his credit, began stroking her hair and making soothing noises immediately.

Edmund looked a cross between put-out and rather ashamed. "I didn't mean it," he mumbled.

"You did," she sobbed, her fingers curling into the wet fabric of Caspian's shirt. "I look _awful_."

Caspian leveled a threatening look over his wife's head.

"No!" Edmund protested. When Susan gave him a dubious look, he wilted and admitted, "Alright, you look like you haven't slept in ages. And I didn't mind rationing the cheese-- _sharing_ the cheese--but you've been eating all of it."

"I wouldn't worry," she sniffed, giving her brother a sideways glance. "I couldn't keep it down this morning. Seems the bouncing baby has moved on to stranger things."

"Than nuts and cheese?" Edmund asked dubiously.

She wrinkled her nose as she admitted, "I actually tried eating rose petals this morning just because I was so hungry."

"My lady!" Leapisqueak protested violently. At this she forgot entirely about Reepicheep, leaping up to the counter to meet her queen's eye. "Oh, I wish you had sent for me! I could have made you rose-hip tea."

Reepicheep began sneaking sideways but a glare from Caspian kept him still. "I'm sorry for your pains, majesty," the Noble Mouse told the Gentle Queen earnestly.

"It's alright, Reep," she sniffed again but Edmund sensed this latest wash of tears was over with. She pulled back a bit from Caspian and laid a hand over the considerable swell of her middle. "We'll all be grateful to have this child out and fed like a normal person."

"That's no reason for these two to resort to thieving," Leapisqueak hissed, glaring at Reepicheep who had taken another sideways step towards a smallish exit near the pantry.

"No," Caspian agreed, "But I think this time has strained all of us. Wouldn't you agree, King Edmund?"

Clearing his throat, the Just King gave his co-ruler a narrow look then answered pleasantly, "I suppose I could have tried other methods."

"Indeed," Caspian finally allowed himself to laugh. Still steadying his wife, he guided her across the room to the hearth where a chair had been set up for her. Leapisqueak was already scurrying about the kitchen to prepare something for the Gentle Queen as Caspian gently lowered her into the seat. He pressed a kiss against her forehead. "Would you send for me before you try trekking through the castle again?"

"I am quite capable of walking, Caspian," she answered him with a sigh.

"But all the same..."

"Yes, yes," she glared up at him as he pulled away, "I'll let you know."

Edmund watched the scene with his mouth set in a wry line. "And here I thought he was the one wrapped around your little finger," the Just King couldn't resist to tease.

With a sudden regal command, Susan thrust her hand towards the door and order, " _Out!_ "

Reepicheep was certainly quicker to fly but Edmund didn't stay a moment longer than he needed. Between Leapisqueak's rolling pin and the idea of Susan near so many heavy items that she could all too capably hurl, he didn't think he needed another moment's punishment for his disastrous and utterly unsuccessful raid.


End file.
